A format typically used for AA meetings, this seemingly simple statement is usually following a hard struggle, rough battle, yet a victorious finish. I know all too well, that struggle, battle and victorious finish. Let me take you back…
Like many other people, in particular women, I had this plan for my life. I would be finished with my undergrad degree by age 22, Masters degree by 25, married by 27 and finished having children by 30. Again, that was my plan. Unfortunately, like so many of us, I never consulted God about any of my plans. They were just that, MY plans…not His.
Have you ever seen the movie “27 dresses”? Well, that was me. By my early 30s, I was still not married, however, I had a not-so-small portion of my closet dedicated to bridesmaids dresses. Big weddings, small weddings, weddings near, weddings far, American, Indian, you name it, I was in it. And my wedding service was not limited to bridesmaid or maid of honor duties, oh no…I’ve been a hostess, pseudo wedding coordinator, financier, we-need-a-garter-can-someone-go-get-one chick, listening ear, shoulder to cry on and oh yeah, an announcer. The one role that I have not played is bride.
When I rolled through my late 20s, it didn’t really bother me too much. However, at the top of my 30s, I began to see wedding invites for the crew that was 10 years my junior. I found myself not only planning the first baby shower, but now the second. Yet, not a suitable suitor for myself in sight!
Ok, by this time, the triplets of jealousy, anger and envy had crash landed in my heart…soon to be followed by their close cousins of loneliness and depression. Before I knew it, one day, I looked in the mirror and I saw a woman who was 33, had never been married, nor had children and was absolutely miserable. I was broken, hurt, angry and worn out. This just couldn’t be what God had planned for my life.
Could it be?
Was it a possibility?
Did He understand my pain?
No, it could not be.
No, it was not a possibility.
Yes, He understood my pain, but it was not His will for me to suffer. He loved me, His daughter-blood bought, blood washed child of His.
It was as if a dark room had been illuminated with a 100-watt bulb. I got it. I’m His, He’s my Daddy and His thoughts and plans for my life were formed before I was even a product of my parent’s marital relations. I was chosen. I was part of a royal priesthood and a holy nation. I was a peculiar chick. And I was bound and determined to fight my way out of this dark place. And never make a return visit.
1) I read.
I dug into the Word of God. I replaced tv viewing time with reading time. I would read Old Testament stories. I would read New Testament accounts. I would poetic prose found in the Psalms and Proverbs. I read the Word. I placed the Word of God up against my life as a mirror. Whenever I didn’t see in me what I saw in the Word, I confessed it over my life. Lived it. Breathed it. Believed it. Until I saw what He intended for me to look like in that area.
2) I served.
I looked up volunteer organizations that needed volunteers. I had too much free time on my hands to sit, sulk and sink. I narrowed it down to a couple organizations and served at least once a week providing meals for terminally-ill individuals. Holiday service also was a part of my service. It truly far better to give than to receive.
3) I was candid.
I took an honest look at myself. There were areas in my life that needed some assistance. Areas of weakness that were leading to the same sins over and over again. And I was tired of tripping over the same stuff! So I identified areas of weakness and corresponding triggers and eliminated them. No movie channels at home (ain’t nothing but booty going on after 10pm). No love flicks at the theater (action movies only). Strictly gospel music!!! LOL!
Because God is no respecter of person, that which He did for me…He can sho nuff do for you. Get out. Get free. Be single and content.
My name is Kelli, what’s your name?
© 2011 The GOoD Life. Courtesy of Right The Vision. All Rights Reserved