Loving him…


Marriage so easily becomes a fertile ground for the growth of bitterness and resentment. Perhaps it’s the small things: the socks left in the middle of the floor, the toilet seat left up, the restless nights. Perhaps it’s slightly bigger things: a forgotten birthday, a week marred by grumpiness, a month with too many commitments. Or perhaps it’s big things: a move to another state for work, failure to meet primary responsibilities, or different preferences about family, housing, or ministry.

These things can especially affect us early in our marriage, when we’re not used to each others idiosyncrasies, and we’re learning how to please each other. We may ask ourselves some hard questions – “What am I doing in this relationship? Who is this person I’ve married?”. This comes especially if we heard our mother complaining about what “all men” are like, or if our father continually pointed out our mother’s faults, we may learn habits of discontentment and criticism which are hard to shake.

It’s been practically one year into my marriage and I’ve had an immense amount to learn about loving my husband. All of which I have strived to take the most head-on and practical approach to because I seek to love him purely, be his “help-meet” NO matter the load, and build a model that works for the both of us and will someday provide a healthy model for our children and to other believers and unbelievers alike. I seek to develop loving feelings for my husband as my commitment to taking my vows seriously, “’til death do us part.” Here are some practical and  biblical principles that will allow us to keep our head on straight when striving to love our husbands despite circumstances. Besides we’re called to love our mates as God loves us with an Agape (unconditional) love so let’s get to it!!!

  • Keep your heart. Realize that emotions like bitterness or fear are a good early warning sign of unhelpful thinking and wrong beliefs. Examine your heart, repent of any wrong thinking, and receive God’s forgiveness.
  • Reflect on your own sinfulness. We were once sinners, and our husbands too. How can we not forgive our husbands, when they have forgiven and put up with us, and, more importantly, when God has forgiven us for so many more sins against him?
  • Learn to think tender thoughts about your husband. Instead of focusing on your husband’s faults, think about his good qualities. Take a moment to look at him, and dwell on the things you love and appreciate about him. To retrain my mind, I actually wrote a list of my husband’s many wonderful qualities, and thanked God for them daily and now it is natural for me to think these things about him throughout the day; as I think of him (almost momentarily) I also think on these things.
  • Cherish your husband in your actions. Make sure your husband comes before children (if you have them), home and ministry in the way you use your time and energy. Marriage is your first ministry, if you cant effectively love your spouse; How can you show this dynamic in God’s kingdom? Learn to enjoy the things he enjoys. You can do it: I didn’t particularly love history, but in order to spend more time with my husband I watched it and I have actually taken a likening to it! I think I’d like to make more of an effort to organize date nights (apart from ANY distractions-Twitter & FB will do it), give Ardarion my full attention, and make sure I put him first in my decisions.
  • Find friends who support your marriage. When I was newly married, I had one friend I could always talk to openly and honestly about my marriage, because I knew she would always, without fail, draw my attention to my husband’s many wonderful qualities, and encourage me to have tender thoughts for him. Be a friend like this to your married friends! I now have many who I communicate with thru social media who share like views about marriage and we encourage one another in #TheWifeLife (Autumn Joiner, Nikita Montgomery, Shafawn Wiley, Rocquelle Devine, Kit-Tena Ferguson & others). There is so much joy and pleasure in KNOWING that you are NOT alone in trying to make sure that your husband is TOP priority and his needs are  met thru how you love him.

Believe me, you can practice and learn to love your husband with a tender love. I know because I was good at this but I seek to love him better with every passing day so I practice and learn how. And the result? A God willed, happy, loving, supportive marriage, where two people cherish each other above all others, bear cheerfully with one another’s faults, thank God for each other’s strengths, and give their children the security and example of a loving relationship.

 

© 2011 The GOoD Life. Courtesy of Right The Vision. All Rights Reserved.

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20 thoughts on “Loving him…

  1. Love the blog!! thanks for sharing….i remember my college track coach told me that “practice makes permanent.” that helped me realize to practice things the right way, bc if ppl practice things the wrong way they will permanently do things wrong. i will remember that as i pay attention to detail in loving my mate!

  2. LOVE this. I tell you, the man that finds me, will find me prepared thanks in part to the way you let the Lord use you.

    Thank you sister

  3. Once again I must say you did a wonderful job writing in detail ways to better a marriage especially in its tender stages. I believe that transparency is so important in the body of Christ, and I know He will honor you and bless you for it. I pray for young females would read this and take it into their heart that being a Help Meet is any real mans greatest asset and desire.

    Praying For You,
    King

  4. Hey lady, this was a great read as always! Truly helping me to prepare for my next chapter in life! Knowledge is power…. Never too soon to learn the vitals! Keep it coming… #TeamBeautiANDBrains – tC

  5. Another great blog sis… I salute you for showing us through your daily walk & blog postings, what a Christ led marriage looks like. Blessings to you & your husband.

  6. This is Wonderful Insight for me to conciously become aware of How to properly and effectively Love my Partner. Our marriage Is My Primary focus and Understanding His Needs on How to show more and more Love with each passing Day is My Goal. Learnig How to focus on his strengths and qualities. To always give him the upmost Respect that he desereves and make sure that he always feels Loved and Appreciated by me his Loving Wife,Partner and Friend.

  7. Wheeeewww!!! This one was AWESOME!!!! I really liked this one! I loved how you were able to shed light on the small things that one may become irritable of and then you so eloquently spoke about the results of keeping your heart pure and your love walk right….
    Simply beautiful!

  8. I’m a newbie to your blog and every time I read it, it blesses me! I love the words “tender thoughts.” I have two children, including a 7 month old and it’s hard sometimes to keep first things first (i.e. hubby and his needs) so that’s so much for the reminder! And, I LOVE the idea of making the list of his wonderful qualities. The Lord sent me an angel when he sent my husband and I think I sometimes take that for granted. Again, thanks for the reminder! Congrats on your one year anniversary!

  9. This is a great blog! I love my husband and I love the idea of making a list of his wonderful qualities. Thanks @DeLise for telling me about this wonderful blog!

  10. This is absolutely amazing! You touched on so many excellent points that women need to get down BEFORE marriage. It’s sad that so many women well into their marriages don’t even understand some of the points you’re making. So many women make the mistake of getting SO caught up in their children that they forget their husbands, then, once the children are gone… they’ll be living with a stranger and wondering why they’re struggling to get along. Keep ’em coming!

  11. Very good advice and very wise. I think the bitterness and resentment can come into play when people don’t make it a point to take advice like yours.

    The need to implement these items will become even stronger as the years go by, but through Christ we can do all things! That’s why marriage will work…as long as we do our parts to work it and then let Christ do the rest.

    Tiffany Godfrey, The Committed Wife http://www.committedwife.com

  12. Love this! As a single person, this is helpful to have, as S. Wiley commented, BEFORE marriage. This post really speaks to being DELIBERATE about love. Love the point abt distractions…bc not everyone knows that withholding attention interferes with intimacy & can lead to resentment. Point: ppl DO need to know what love is/does on a practical level, on a daily basis.

    P.S. Great information is made even better when DELIVERED well; you betta WRITE mami!

  13. This is another absolutely incredible post! I am so very proud of your wisdom, love and sincerity. Your teachings are clear, relevant and helpful to ALL women-single and waiting, newly married, and in it to win it for 10-40 years of marriage. Keep writing as God leads sis. It’s blessing many folks:) Love You,
    Tash

  14. I like this. Its better to show, and grow in love, then to be miserable in emotional drama. GOD is our Prime example of LOVE and HE instructs us on how and what to do. Very encouraging.

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