Over the summer of 2008 I went through a divorce with my wife, best friend & the woman I had spent most of my 20’s with.
As a man, when you have no Godly examples of how to treat a woman or how a kingdom marriage is supposed to look within your family or surroundings, you allow exterior situations to show you direction on how to treat a woman. At the time I honestly thought a husbands ONLY jobs were to pay the bills, protect the house & just be the MAN in the house. I didn’t know what a shepherd was, that I was supposed to lead my wife & family in worship or what a real covenant looked like. I was influenced by the rappers on TV, the FAKE love stories on the big screen & how my home boys treated their women. With that being shared, I shall go into detail on how I messed up my marriage & what I have learned as I’ve matured with God on how to make sure you’ve become Mr. Right before finding Mrs. Right.
Establish & keep a relationship with God
I was raised in a baptist church where I went every Sunday, had been baptized & was living as a born again christian. It wasn’t until after I signed my divorce papers that I knew what the Holy Spirit was, discernment & how to pray sincerely. I thought praying was JUST what I did over my food & something I did when I got into trouble. In order to even think about pursuing a woman, we have to 1st & foremost know how to pursue God. Likened to how a man must pursue a woman to get & keep her, we have to 1st pursue God & keep that relationship top priority in our life for everything else to fall in place.
As men when we think of healing, we think this is something that only women need. As I look back now, even while I was married, I found out that I had some generational curses within me from BOTH my mother & fathers side of the family. After I did research on my family, I found out that only a very SMALL percentage of my family had experienced successful Godly marriages. The enemy is good at disguising our “hurt spots” as just small little issues that we have that need to be cured. I also didn’t realize that I had soul ties running through me from every woman that I had sexual intercourse with in my life. I thought that by the both of us calling each other 24/7 for sex, that the sex was just that good. Just as recent as last year I found out that the GOOD FEELING that had me going crazy was just one of the devils tool referred to as a soul tie that was linked to me having sexual encounters with women that weren’t my wife. These are just a couple of examples of things we as men need to be healed from prior to allowing a woman in our life. Submit yourself to God & allow Him to FULLY cleanse you of any negative spirit within before even ATTEMPTING to introduce yourself to a woman.
Know how to respect, love & honor your wife
Even as a married man, I can honestly say now that back then I didn’t know how to do any of the above correctly. Here are a couple of bible verses listed that you need to know prior to even thinking about a wife. “Love your wife as Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:25) This bible verse is so important. God commands us to love a wife in Agape (unconditional ) love as Christ loved the church. As men we have to love our wife with no limits with holding nothing back. Loving your wife is service that should be done from day one until death. (Ephesians 5:28-33) tells us that “husbands have to love their wives as their own bodies. “ (1 Peter 3:7) tells us that we have to respect our wives & be considerate of everything about them. (Colossians 3:19 ) “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” (1 Corinthians 7 3:5) “The husbands body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” (Proverbs 5:18-19) “Rejoice in your wife all your life. Let her breasts satisfy you. Be captivated with her.” (Proverbs 31:28-29 “Call your wife “blessed and praise her.” (Hebrews 13:4) “Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way.” (Proverbs 18:22) “Be thankful for your wife and realize the favor you have received from God.” (Matthew 19:5) “Be one flesh with your wife in every way.” (Hebrew 13:4) “Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way.”
Knowing what a help meet is
(Genesis 2:18) The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.“ When I was married I had no clue at all what a help meet was. My wife at the time was always giving her input & wisdom on our marriage, business, finances, etc but me having an “Know It All attitude” I didn’t hear nor use her voice to help me with our marriage. It took me losing our storefront, putting bank accounts in the negative, letting our SUV be repossessed & almost going to jail from illegal activities in the streets for me to realize JUST THIS YEAR, that I had what I know today as a help meet. Men, understand that the wife God adds to your life is there to help you NOT hinder you. Listening to her can save your life & bless your soul at the same time. She is equally yoked with you, your backbone, your rib & the one that is there to be strong when you may be weak. Next to God, she will be there when your so called friends, family, etc may turn their backs on you. Allow her to be who God has called her to be in your life.
As you read this, me & the ex wife that I spoke of at the beginning are allowing God to put back together what was broken from me not knowing about what I’ve just shared with you. We have decided to start over ALL THE WAY as friends like we’ve never known each other so that we can do this thing right this time with God as the head. It’s amazing how all the qualities that God had for me in a wife were right in front of me but I never knew it until I realized what a man needs to know prior to having a woman in his life. You can get into a relationship with 1 or 21 but until you pursue God & allow him to lead your life, you won’t be able to lead or even show a woman what a Godly man looks like. Learn from my mistakes the importance of being Mr. Right before seeking Mrs. Right. I pray that this blog gives at least one person insight on getting himself in order prior to even thinking about approaching a woman.
Broderick Walton is the Founder of Provisions Ministry Group which works to build healthy relationships. He is an upcoming author, blogger, philanthropist, public speaker, and Christian relationship coach. He is passionate about successful marriage, and about helping singles date purely and wisely. In addition, Broderick has a heart for seeing men excel in their roles as husbands and fathers.